Wouldn't life be easier if diapers and bibs were acceptable forms of clothing for a night out on the town? No, really, humor me with this for a minute.

Picture it: you're out at a club, the music is pumping, you're getting your "drank" on, you're holla'ing at a fine young biddy. Suddenly, you need to go to the bathroom but you risk losing your connection with the beautiful mamacita. If you walk away, she might go talk to that other brotha across the room who's been eyeing her ba-dunk-a-dunk all night.

With a diaper, you won't need to worry. A silly thing like regular bodily functions won't have to ruin your game ever again.

There are other advantages of course: people could spill drinks on you and you can just brush it off like it ain't no thang; you're already showing most of your goods, so if she was turned off by what she saw she would have run away hours ago; and most importantly, diapers and bibs are easy to take off if you're lucky enough to get some cut up, aiiiight?

I think there's something to this.

The truth of the matter is: I can't dress myself in anything more than t-shirt and jeans for parties, and it's giving me a lot of stress.

I'm preparing for the Emmy Awards coming up in two weeks, and I have to figure out what to wear -- besides a tux -- for some of the events. This is providing me way more of a headache than it needs to. I walk into stores and I'm COMPLETELY indecisive: do I wear slacks or a full suit? If a suit, what type: Old Man Traditional or Slick Hollywood Douche? Do I mix it up and wear jeans? Should they be "pre-worn"? Do I need a hat? What kind of statement should I make with my clothes? Am I the type of guy that MAKES a statement with his clothes? Just who do those assholes constantly wearing scarves even though it's 90 degrees outside think they are?

As you can see, I have many questions to answer... and time is running out. I mean, this is the Emmy's. So many potential biddies to holla at.

Word 'em up.